Well after promising myself that I was never ever going to go on another Yoga retreat, after that first one in June....guess who is off to Wiltshire this afternoon for my second one?
I've just re-read this post that I wrote about the first retreat, and chuckled at how diplomatic I was when recounting it
I knew that there was a good chance that Padma, our teacher was going to read the post, and I think that I a) I am ultimately a nerd and didn't want to disappoint my teacher or hurt her feelings, and b) didn't want to look like an inferior yogi amongst my yoga teacher training class.
What I really said after that weekend was:
"I am never ***** doing anything like that in my life again."
It was two and a half of the most psychologically intense days of my entire life. The silent periods of time together with the meditation sessions almost killed me, literally. I convinced myself that I was dying of cancer and that I needed to see my Oncologist urgently upon my return to London.
I know. Ridiculous.
Amazing how your deepest fears can raise their heads when you are being all silent and reflective.
When Padma announced with joy that we were going to have the opportunity to go on a second retreat this year, I got home and told Pete we needed to book a weekend away on that weekend ASAP. Again the
teachers pet, nerd in me wanted a valid excuse rather than facing up to the fact that I don't know if I was up to more time with just my mind for company.
So what on earth has resulted in me heading off to Wiltshire this afternoon?
And without Nikki, who has been there with me every step of this Yoga teacher training journey so far, as she is in South Africa on holiday.
Well, a combination of things I think.
I have learnt so much this year through my yoga teacher training, and I really believe that I am becoming more comfortable and peaceful within my own heart about myself and my life.
I feel like I have embraced so many of the Yogi ways that used to
freak me out, surprise me. Like chanting, which I used to think was some kind of voodoo like ritual, but I now adore.
And vegetarian meals. You should taste the vegetable and lentil soup that I've made to take along to the retreat this weekend!
And whilst my mind still drifts whilst I am meditating, I have come to so value that clarity and focus that these minutes give me in the rest of my day.
And I can not wait for more "Sound Bath" relaxation sessions where Ammapremma plays her gong, and we lie there enveloped in the beautiful vibrations and sounds.
But mostly, I think that I have become more confident and comfortable in myself and how much I am realistically able to transform my life into that of a pure yogi. Currently, I don't see myself being able to become a full vegetarian, or giving up the occasional glass of wine or cup of coffee a day. And I am ok with that.
But who knows what the future holds?
Padma, if you are reading this, please stop now.
As I may be sneaking some coffee into my suitcase this weekend...
Have a wonderful weekend my friends!
PS: My friend Robs is coming with me this weekend, I can't wait for her to share some of the amazing-ness that is Integral Yoga!